All That Is Loved Is Lost
by The Yaoi Alchemist1
Summary: Maybe this was his punishment, to know what it feels like to be alone to never see his family again...
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or any of the characters.

Snow flakes gently fell, like a white innocent beauty, never seeming to care what or who they graced their entire beings with. Some people would think that it was a beautiful sight, of the snow drifting down in the meadow, but to the people that spent what seemed like an eternity there (but when in reality it had only been two months) thought that the sight was disgusting. The fresh images of war and suffering flashed through their minds. The only thing the snow did to comfort the surviving soldiers was that it covered the lifeless bodies of their dead comrades.

Cries and screams could be heard throughout the meadow as some of the soldiers went hysterical trying to dig out or revive the ones that had fallen. The war wasn't even over yet, and yet so many lives had died without saying good bye to their loved ones or telling them they loved them with hugs and sweet kisses.

For one such blonde alchemist it was the same. His lover was dead and so too were the rest of his family. He blamed himself for all the deaths that had happened around him. His lover died because he was being reckless and wouldn't follow orders. His lover died protecting him from a bullet that was supposed to blow his brains out, not his lover's. The blonde deserved to die, not his lover or his sweet innocent brother. The blonde was the one who sinned those seven years ago.

'Why wasn't I punished? I'm the one that sinned, not my brother or the love of my life.' the alchemist thought to himself.

But maybe _this was_his punishment, to know what it feels like to be alone, to never see his brother again. He stared miserably at the sight of all the soldiers trying to unburry their fallen comrades from the heavy snow. he felt something lightly touch his shoulder, he looked behind himself.

"Hey, boss, we have to get going," the man called Havoc informed the blonde kindly.

The younger turned back to face the horrible scene before him. "Why do people die when they don't even deserve it?" the blonde asked, his voice emotionless.

Havoc didn't answer him for a little while, thinking that if he said the wrong thing he'd somehow break the blonde. "I don't know, boss. I honestly just don't know."

A salty taste graced the younger's tongue, he touched his cheek and felt that it was wet. 'When did I start crying?' he wondered to himself. He wiped away his tears and turned around and walked back with Havoc to the car. As they drove away the blonde couldn't help but think back to the first time he and his lover first made love two years ago.

I hope you liked this one! There are a few chapters to this story and some of them will be really short but that's because the long ones are flashbacks, soooo...yeah...PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!!!!!! Now the next order of business is I have to figure out how to put up new chapters to stories, I would much appreciate it if you could tell me how, PLEASE! Anyway R&R!


	2. Happy Birthday

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA or any of the characters.

Flashback

It was snowing that night; they were sitting under a tree watching the delicate snow land on the ground. They whispered sweet words of love to each other, the occasional kiss on the head or peck on the cheek blended into the conversation some how. The couple always loved to watch the snow fall under a tree in the midst of winter; they did this almost every night. But tonight was a special night for the youngest of the two; tonight was his birthday. He was turning sixteen that glorious night and the raven-haired man wanted to make this night special for his young love.

He set up everything perfectly. He took his lover out to a nice dinner where he asked the manager to let the two of them eat there for just that night. They had sat out on the restaurants balcony and ate their delicious meals with light conversation filling their ears. The blonde, of course, ate the most out of the two of them, but instead of eating his meal at a fast, almost inhuman pace, he ate it like a true gentleman would.

When they finished their meals the couple took a stroll in the park and found the tree that they always liked to sit under at this time of night. The youngest was the one that started everything with an innocent kiss to the elder man's lips. The teen straddled the raven's hips as the elder of the two let the younger one dominate.

The older one had decided that he'd let his little blonde shrimp go at his own pace. The kiss deepened as the younger one's tongue ravished the elder's mouth with love and passion. The raven man's hands ran over the shorter's body running over every defied muscle on the young man's back.

The blonde's pink little tongue lightly rubbed the roof of his lover's mouth, emitting a low throaty moan from the raven. The ebony-haired man broke the kiss needing air. "Let's go home I want to give you your birthday present."

They walked the few blocks back to their home in the cold. When they reached their ozy little home the eldest one opened the door and let the boy go in first. Once inside they hung up their coats and took off their shoes before the raven led the birthday boy into a hallway that led to their room.

"Wait here, ok?" the eldest asked. The shorter nodded which made a warm smile grace his lover's lips before he kissed the blonde on top of the head. The eldest walked into their room and closed the door behind him. The blonde waited outside the door for a few minutes before the man walked back out. "Close your eyes," the eldest whispered. The younger looked up at him skeptically. "Don't worry, just trust me," the taller said before he once again kissed his young love's forehead.

His lover complied with a small smile on his lips. The elder grabbed him by the hand and led him into their room. The shorter heard the door close and lock before he felt a warm breath ghost over his ear that sent a shiver down his spine. "You can open your eyes now." He did as he felt his lover nibbling on his neck.

The sight in front of him left him speechless. There were candles that dimly lit the room, giving it a cozy, sensual fell. Read and white rose petal led to the king-sized bed in the middle of the room. The room smelled of fire and lavender and wafted through out the air. He had told his lover that the smell of fire reminded him of his raven haired love, and the raven said the same about the younger smelling of lavender. The young one knew immediately that the two scents were symbolic of each other.

The blonde yelped in surprise when he was suddenly picked up bridal-style as his lover carried him over to their bed. The elder one captured the blonde in a kiss after he laid him down gently on the bed and straddled his hips. He older cupped his lover's face as the birthday boy wrapped his arms around the elder's neck.

The ebony-haired man let the younger once again take dominance in the kiss. The raven's hands pulled awa from the smaller's face and snaked his hands under his shirt where cold hands touched warm skin, emitting a low moan to come from the youngest. The older found his lover's nipples and twisted and tweaked them eliciting a small whimper from the birthday boy.

The eldest man slipped the younger one's shirt over his head and threw it to the side. He looked down at the boy's smaller frame and devoured it with his eyes. The raven bent down and kissed at every scar and wound that was on the boy's torso, relishing the taste of his tan skin. He licked in between every muscle and cease, making pleasured moans escape the boy's sweet tasting mouth.

The boy reached down and grabbed the man's shirt collar and forcefully kissed him, all the while unbuttoning the elder's black dress shirt. The man broke the kiss and licked at the boy's jaw line and down to his neck where he lightly nibbled on the boy's pulse. Incoherent words and lust filled moans spilled from the younger's lips and filled the room. When the boy un fastened the last button he slipped the article of clothing off the ebony-haired man's broad shoulders and threw it a side. The man trailed his nips, licks, and kisses down to the boy's collar bone. Hearing the moans get louder and louder from his young love drove him further and further into arousal, and so too for the blonde with all the elder's ministrations.

The man kissed and licked to the boy's hardened nipples and sucked on the right one lightly while his hand played with the other. He was playing with the left one as if he was tuning a guitar with a brand new string. The boy moaned in ecstasy, as the man lightly ran his hands over the bulge in the boy's khaki pants. "St-stop…t-teasing me!" the boy squeaked.

"But I love teasing you," the raven whispered in a husky, yet sexy, tone of voice that turned the blonde on even more.

The elder slowly, yet pain stakingly, unbuckled the boy's belt as his mouth started to devour the boy's left nipple. The boy reached down to try to undo his lover's pants, but the eldest swatted his hand away, making a whimper come from the blonde's mouth. "Nah, ah, ah, you first," the eldest exclaimed as he lowered himself until his face was in the boy's crotch. The taller took the zipper in between his teeth and unzipped the pants while his hands undid the button. The ebony-haired man quickly discarded the younger's pants and looked up at his lover's flushed face to see him staring down at the raven with lust filled golden eyes.

The man leaned forward and laid a gentle kiss on the teen's cheek before he quickly licked it as if he was a dog lapping up the water in his water dish. The blonde's skin tasted so sweet, if the elder could he would try to make a lollipop taste the same. The raven reached his hand down the teenager's baby-blue boxers and found his love's hidden treasure hidden under the pesky garment. The raven wrapped his hand loosely around the young man, barely even touching him; the ebony-haired man pumped the boy ever so slowly, and ever so teasingly. The eldest always loved to tease the boy until he was on his hands and knees begging for release.

The taller pulled down the boy's boxers and discarded of them rather quickly. The raven took away his hand making the shorter whimper with displeasure. The raven stared down at the beautiful creature before him. Sometimes the raven just couldn't believe that he had someone so wonderful and beautiful to call his own.

The boy started to feel uncomfortable under the man's gaze; he could feel a light blush rise to his cheeks from the strong stare. "If my auto-mail disgusts you then I understand we don't have to do this," the boy stated feeling self-conscious.

The raven always knew that the boy wished he didn't have auto-mail, even if he didn't say it he still saw it in his eyes. He could feel the blonde beneath him try to push him off so he could get away, but the ebony-haired man would have none of that. "That's not it at all. I love your auto-mail; if you didn't have it then you just wouldn't be entirely you." The elder kissed the mop of golden hair with reassurance radiating off of him.

The teenager blushed even darker and averted his gaze. This man seemed too perfect, it was almost like the boy was stuck in some never ending dream that someday he might wake up from at any moment and realize that this man was nothing but an illusion, or a simple figment of his imagination. Tears welled up in his eyes as he thought that that was what this all was; and he sincerely didn't want it to be.

"What's wrong?"

The blonde turned his gaze back to se two pools of black that he just wanted to swim in. "Tell me this is real. I want to know that this isn't just some dream that I'm going to wake up from," the boy commanded.

"Of course this isn't a dream, I love you and you love me, and no one can change that fact," the raven said kindly. The teenager could see nothing but truth fullness and security in the ebony-haired man's deep, dark eyes that always had some sort of wall up around others, but when he was just around the boy those walls would always break down.

The teen pulled the man into a warm, yet thankful embrace. This man was just too good to him and he didn't know how to thank him except for one way only that he knew he would never get back. "I want you to make love to me shorter boy encouraged.

Once those four little words left his shorter lover's mouth it just felt like music to his ears. "Are you sure?" the man needed to make sure the teen didn't feel pressured into anything. "We don't have to if you don't want to."

"I've never wanted anything more in my life." The ebony-haired man could only see determination in the golden orbs. He smiled down at the younger and laid a chaste kiss upon his lips. The man pulled back but was pulled back down by an auto-mail arm. The cod metal sent shivers up and down his spine as a warm mouth crashed into his hungrily. The teen reached back down with his human hand and unfastened the elder's belt. "Mmmm…" the younger moaned into their kiss from the hand wrapped warmly around him.

The elder stroked him, making it harder than it really was to undo a pair of pants. The man slowly moved his hand up and down as he broke the heated kiss for some much needed air. Once the blonde finally unfastened everything on the raven's pants the elder hurriedly stood up and slipped off his pants and his boxers and threw them to the side.

The teenager devoured the beautiful sight before him. He traced every single muscle, scar and mole down the raven's body with lust filled eyes until he looked down at his lover's arousal that was already spilling precum down his shaft. He almost couldn't believe his eyes; this beautiful, wonderful man was wet for him! For Him! And man did he love it.

The boy was also very wet for the raven. The younger sat up and pulled the elder back on top of him before he rolled the taller onto his back, so that the shorter was straddling the eldest. The younger crashed his lips to the raven's as they fought for dominance with their tongues.

The man won the tongue battle this time. The boy slowly laid butterfly kisses down the raven's body and all the way down to his crotch, where he laid a soft kiss on the head. He lightly ran his tongue up the elder's shaft, tasting the bitter taste of precum.

A moan came from the ebony-haired man's throat from the pleasure he was receiving in his groin. He could feel his release coming closer, but he didn't want to cum yet. He pulled the blonde's gorgeous head out of his groin before he laid him on his back so the raven could straddle the blonde's hips. The man pulled the boy back into a kiss before he trailed the kisses down the boy's body to his arousal. The elder licked at the boy's shaft a few times before he fully engulfed the boy. The raven lightly s on the boy, eliciting a loud moan past his lips. With every suck came a louder moan from the beautiful blonde withering beneath him.

The boy started thrusting his hips up towards the warm wet cavern. The raven had to relax his throat as he felt his gag reflex take affect. The raven held down the younger's hips as he started to tease him again. He ran his tongue ever so slightly on the underside of his lover's shaft, earning a whimper-like moan to come from the boy. The ebony-haired man mentally smirked knowing that the blonde boy hated it when he could never get the raven to moan during a quick blow job. He could feel the smaller one start to pulsate in his mouth, telling him that his release was beckoning.

The elder pulled away and kissed the head as he heard a disappointed whimper come from his younger lover. "Why'd you stop?" the distressed boy pleaded.

"I don't want you to cum yet," the man explained, as he looked at his love's flushed face. The raven leaned over to a drawer that was beside the bed and pulled out a white tube.

"What's that?" the teenager asked innocently.

The raven gave him a gentle smile, he loved how innocent the younger could be, and it was just so adorable. "You'll see, the raven informed. He opened up the tube and squirted the substance that was contained in the bottle onto his hand. The blonde boy looked at the clear gelatin-like substance curiously; he wondered what the man was going to do with it.

The raven rubbed the substance over three of his fingers before he gently coaxed the blonde's legs to spread open, by rubbing his inner thighs gently. He rubbed his pointer finger teasingly around the boy's puckered entrance. The shorter instantly tensed up, scared of what the raven above him was doing. "Shhhh…you have to relax," the older cooed. The blonde boy tried to relax but every time the elder's finger would move he would tense up more.

"I can't," he whined.

"Of course you can, just keep looking into my eyes," the raven reassured. The teen stared into the man's deep, dark, obsidian eyes and saw love and compassion that was never said but felt. The elder's finger slowly entered the smaller one. The boy once again immediacy tensed up around the intrusion. The raven moaned as he thought about how that would feel around a different part of his anatomy. The man waited a while to gain his self control back before he slowly thrust the digit in and out of the blonde.

The teen squirmed a little as the finger moved inside him, it was an odd sensation that he felt as the digit moved, but the more the raven moved his finger the more the blonde boy started to like the sensation. The teen moaned as the raven started to increase the pace of his finger's movement. "Faster…" the teen moaned breathily. The man happily obliged as he started to search for his lover's sweet spot. "Ahhh…!" spilled from the blonde's sweet lips as his arched off the bed.

"Found it." the raven smirked triumphantly.

"Do that again…"the boy said in a husky lust filled tone the elder hit that spot inside the boy again, after adding a second finger, and all the blonde saw was white, as he once again arched his back off the bed. Soon the man added the third and final finger and stretched and scissored the blonde boy's entrance. With every wonderful thrust and scissor the taller's hand made brought the boy that much closer to his sweet release. "I'm…g-gonna c-cum!" the boy moaned in pure ecstasy.

The man scissored him a few more times before he pulled out the three digits. The boy whimpered at the loss of feeling something inside him. The raven chuckled a little at how cute the teen was being. "What's so funny?" the boy asked as his flushed face only darkened.

"Nothing, I just finally realized after all this time of how much I love you. I love everything about you; your gorgeous hair, your exotic golden eyes, the way you make me feel when I'm around you, I even love that you're the size of a bean." The man smirked.

The boy hit the raven hard on the top of the head, probably leaving a bump. "Way to ruin the moment, bastard," the boy scowled.

"I mean it though," the man said with a slight chuckle in his voice, "I love every single thing about you and I want you to know that it's from the bottom of my heart."

"Nice save, bastard," the boy said with a genuine smile before he pulled the raven down above him into a sweet and passionate kiss. Their tongues danced and ran over each other as they fought for dominance in the kiss. This time the boy won without the older letting him. The raven broke the kiss and looked into gorgeous golden eyes. "Are you sure you want to do this?" the elder asked with concern.

The teen nodded his head. "I've never been more sure about anything in my life." the raven could see nothing but truthfulness in those golden orbs and it warmed him inside to know that the teenager would let him take his virginity. The man let a warm, gentle smile grace his features before he pulled the blonde boy into a deep loving kiss. The raven man pulled out of the kiss before he poured more lubrication on his hand and spread it over his engorged manhood, he hissed as his hand ran over his neglected anatomy. He removed his hand before he repositioned himself in between the birthday boy's slender legs.

The teen pulled the man down for one final kiss. "Do it fast and hard," the teen explained. The raven nodded his head before he quickly plunged himself into the boy's tight entrance. A loud scream erupted from the young boy's throat as the pain of being entered took over his senses. As the pained scream filled the candle and moonlit room a moan resounded under laying it.

The taller stopped to gain his self control so he wouldn't pound into the blonde with reckless abandon. "Tell me when I can start moving," the elder explained through gritted teeth.

The boy tried desperately to relax and that time he actually relaxed faster. "Move." that was all the blonde had to say before the raven slowly thrust into the teenage creature below him. The slow thrusting at first was painful but after each thrust the next felt even better than the last. Soon the boy's groans of pain turned into moans of pleasure and pure ecstasy. The boy arched his body up into the warm, sweaty form above him with a moan as the man lightly brushed up against his prostate. The slow pace was starting to drive the blonde mad; he needed it faster he needed it harder. He wanted to know if there could be any more pleasure during sex. "F-faster…p-please," the boy whimpered.

The man wanted to tease the teen just a little bit longer, plus he wanted the teenager's first time to last. "Not just…yet," the man breathed.

The boy whinnied in disagreement, "Please…I n-need it, oh God I n-need…it b-bad," the boy explained through moans of pleasure. No matter how sexy the blonde looked to the man, the older just would not give into the younger's wishes. The blonde tried to move his body down onto the raven but he only got in one hard pleasurable thrust before the elder held down his hips and kept at his slow pace. "P-please, I'm b-begging y-you, I…n-need it!" the boy growled.

Finally the raven obeyed his lover's wish and pulled out until only the head was left in the blonde and he quickly thrust back in hitting the younger's prostate right on the spot. The boy let out a long pleasurable scream as he saw stars when the man hit his prostate over, and over, and over again. God, did he love the feeling of the pain and pleasure mixed into one, it was amazing, euphoric even.

The sound of skin slapping against sweaty skin and moans of pleasure and ecstasy rang through the lovers' ears. Incoherent words were thrown out into the open air between the two as the taller's thrusts became deeper and harder hitting the boy's prostate. With each and every thrust the man could feel his release coming as he took a hold of the boy's anatomy and pumped the withering boy beneath him in time with his thrusts.

The blonde's moans became louder and louder with the double stimulation, not caring who would hear them preforming what they were doing that was so damn beautiful. The boy absolutely loved the feeling of that man inside of him, it felt like that empty hole within his subconscious, that no matter what could never be filled with prized possessions or food, was finally being filled with the love that he felt from the obsidian eyed man. He felt completely whole now that he felt that space was filled by the gorgeous and wonderful man above him.

Having that thought in his mind made that whole experience even more pleasure to the blonde, as he let out even louder moans of sear pleasure and joy. With one final thrust into the boy's prostate made the boy see stars as he came in the man's hand and all over their bodies, as the birthday boy let out aloud, pleasurable scream of his lover's name.

The boy's walls clamped around the raven sending him over the edge in sheer bliss as he came inside the teen. Ragged breathing filled the average-sized master bedroom as the two recovered from their sexual high, the elder's breathing was somewhat normal again as he gently pulled out of his exhuasted blonde lover. The man laid down next to sticky and sweaty young love and kissed him gently on the forehead.

"I think I've fallen even more in love with you," the boy explained, still slightly out of breath.

The elder chuckled a little at the blonde. "So, I'm guessing that you enjoyed it?" the ebony-haired man asked with a smirk glued to his features.

"No, I hated it. What the hell do you think?!" the blonde admitted sarcastically.

"Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it," said the man, this time with a warm, inviting smile. The two laid there in a comfortable silence and listened to eachother's steady breathing as the blonde snuggled in close to the elder, listening to his heartbeat through his muscular chest. The elder's heart beat comforted the boy, with its slow steady rythm lulling him to sleep.

The teen could feel the comforting darkness start to take over his subconcious and gladly welcomed it with open arms, but suddenly he felt a slight nudge to his shoulder. His eyes fluttered open to reveal two pools of pure determined gold. The younger looked up to see two gorgeous obsidian eyes staring back at him with love and compassion. "I almost forgot to give you your birthday present," the elder said kindly in a soft spoken voice.

"Can't it wait until morning?" the boy asked with a slight growl in his voice.

"Sorry, but I really want to give it to you now," the man said with excitement hidden in his voice.

"Fine," the blonde sighed. The boy sat up in the bed and rested up agaisnt the head board as the man too sat up and dug through the nightstand drawer beside the bed. The raven pulled out an object wrapped ingold wrapping and an elegant black bow was placed upon it. the gift seemed to be about the size of an average-sized book. The taller placed it on the bed in front of the shorter, who was looking at it with curious golden eyes.

The boy ran his left hand lightly over the shiny wrapping trying to figure out what might be inside. The boy flipped the gift over to look at the back. He carefully stuck his finger under one of the flaps and started to open the delicately wrapped object. His suspicions of the gift being a book were true. It was a horror book that was based off of a true story that he had only heard about but never read. His face lit up with joy as he read the front out loud,"My Bloody Valentine." The young boy looked up at the man with joy filled eyes. "Thank you, I love it."

The raven smiled back at the boy with warmth and gladness. "Well I'm glad, that was the last copy that I could find anywhere," the eldest explained.

"Well, thank you," the boy said once again before he leaned over and placed a chaste kiss on his lover's lips.

The eldest set the wrapping paper and book on the night stand before he covered them both with the black silk blanket that covered the bed. The teen once again snuggled into his lover's body and took in his scent of fire. "Happy birthday," the taller said gently before he kissed his drowsy lover on the head.

"I love you, Roy," the younger stated before he once again drifted in total darkness but not before he heard the man whisper back, "I love you, too, Ed."

_HALLO!!!!!!!!!!!! I hoped you liked this cahpter it was chopped full of smutty goodness, which I think I did a shitty job of writing! R&R!_


	3. 45' Caliber Gun

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or any of the characters

End of Flashback

Ed walked up his apartment stairs listening to the snow crunch under his black leather boots. He unlocked the shared apartment with ease and walked inside, not remembering if he heard the door latch or not. He walked into his bedroom that he used to share with his raven-haired lover; he could still smell Roy and it brought tears to his eyes as he thought about all the good times, bad times, and melancholy times he had with the man.

Ed gathered up some supplies and laid them on the floor in the middle of the room. He clapped his hands and placed them over the objects conducting a blue lightening spark to crackle and transform the objects into something gruesome, something that he never thought in his wildest dreams that he would have to hold, cradle in his hands in a somewhat respectable manner. The object he created had been what most people would quiver and shake if they had to stare down the barrel, a '45 caliber barrel.

Tears kept spilling down his face, as he looked down at his left hand to find the ring that was placed precariously upon his perfect little ring finger.

DON'T KILL ME, PLEASE!!!!!! I told you before that some of the chapters would be extremely short and this just happened to be one of them the next chapter though will be longer. R&R, please!


	4. I Love Everything About You

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or any of the characters.

Ed was turning 18 today and also he was the legal age to get married without a guardians consent. It had almost been three years now since Ed and Roy started dating and Roy knew that they were meant for each other, he knew that more than anything else. He knew that he loved the blonde and that, said blonde, loved him back dearly. Roy loved everything about him, his smile, his laugh, the way the veins in his forehead pops out of his head when he's raging. The way he refers everything to alchemy…even with sex. The sex, the kisses, the way he made his heart flutter with the slightest touch or the slightest devilish smirk. He just loved everything about the blonde and nothing, not a thing in the world could change that fact, that love that he held deep within his heart for the young alchemist.

That morning Roy made the perfect breakfast for his blonde little lover, the love of his life. He made his favorite; scrambled eggs with hash browns on the side and coffee as well. He made this all while the blonde was in their room having the sweetest dreams of the most wondrous things that you could ever imagine. Whether it be the best sex he'd ever have, or finding another way to bring back his brother, or discovering a new type of transmutation circle.

Roy set up everything on a tray just perfectly before he went into his study, walked over to the mahogany desk, opened one of the drawers to pull out a small velvet-black box, and stuffed it away in his pocket. He walked back to the kitchen, where he left the tray and carried it up to the bedroom. Roy stepped into the bedroom to see Ed already awake, yawning and stretching taut limbs out around himself. "Good morning, birthday boy!" Roy cheerfully sang.

"Good morning," Edward yawned. He looked at the tray in the raven's strong hands curiously. "Who's that for?"

The man couldn't believe the blonde asked him that, he thought it would be quite obvious who it was for. "It's for my imaginary friend Roger, Ed. Who do you think it's for?" the man asked trying to hide that he was annoyed by the blonde's question, but failing considerably.

"Well, sooorrry, bastard, you know I'm not a morning person," the blonde stated irritably.

Roy walked over to the bed and sat down in the empty space next to his lover. He set the tray on the blonde's lap before kissing the birthday boy on the head. "Happy birthday, Ed."

"Thank you, Roy. You know you didn't have to do this for me, right?" the blonde informed the man.

"I know, but I wanted to make this day magical for you," the man explained, his heart started to race uncontrollably fast with nervousness.

"What do you mean 'magical?' It's just a birthday, it's not like we're having sex for the first time again," the boy stated, as he took a bite of his hash browns, remembering that special day that seemed like a millennium ago.

"What I mean is, Ed…" Roy got up from the bed, but not before he moved the tray off of the blonde's lap, and got down on one knee, nervousness filling his entire being to the core.

The blonde immediately sat straight up in the bed, with his legs dangling above the floor, wondering what the older alchemist was doing. "What is it, Roy?" the boy, no, not a boy anymore but a man, looked down at his older lover quizzically.

"Ed, I love you from the bottom of my heart. I love everything about you, the way you barge into my office unannounced, the way you get whenever someone calls you short. I love the determination that I always see in your eyes. I love how naïve and innocent you can be."

Ed didn't understand what was going on and he wanted his question answered (and those detectible eggs in his growling stomach.) "Get to the point, Roy, my eggs are getting cold," Ed whined.

Roy should have known not to put food in front of the blonde before he asked him that. "What I'm trying to ask is…" Roy pulled the velvet box out of his pocket, "Ed, will you marry me?" he said as he opened the box to reveal a silver ring. Ed was speechless, he thought he was imaging things. Did Roy really just ask him the most important question of his entire life? Was he still sleeping or something? Roy was starting to get worried that no answer was coming from the blonde. Had he made a mistake? "Ed?" Roy asked anxiously. No answer came from the blonde. "Ed?" this time Roy shook his shoulder bringing Ed out of his daze. The blonde looked up at Roy like he didn't know where he was or what was happening.

"Roy?" the blonde asked.

"Yes, Ed?"

"Could you punch me in the jaw? 'Cause I could've sworn I heard you ask me if I would marry you."

Roy didn't know how to answer the blonde, he was a bit confused himself. Roy thought that maybe Ed thought he was still dreaming. "Ed, this isn't a dream. I really did as k you to marry me. So…will you?"

Tears suddenly formed in the blonde's eyes, Roy couldn't tell if they were tears of happiness or not. "Of course I will." Ed wrapped his arms around Roy in a warm embrace. The blonde sobbed happily into Roy's muscular shoulder. He almost couldn't believe what had just transpired here, it was like a dream come true. It was almost a miracle that Ed didn't pass out from all the adrenaline rushing through his veins.

The blonde pulled out of the embrace after a while, as Roy placed that simple silver ring on his finger. "I love you, Ed, and I always will," Roy said, before giving the blonde a chaste kiss on the forehead.

"I love you, too, Roy, form the bottom of my heart." The blonde once again pulled the raven into an embrace.

See I told you this one would be longer than the last. R&R please!


	5. He Felt Like He Was Midis

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or any of the characters.

Ed felt like he was Midis, in a way, but instead of everything he touched turning to gold, every person that he loved, cared for had died. It was like whenever those three strong words passed his soft lips a person he loved would die, whether it was suddenly or over a long period of time. He didn't understand it, any of it. None of it made sense. What had he done to deserve such…loneliness, such…despair, such…misery? What _had_ he done? Sure, he'd done some pretty messed up shit, but they were mostly for good reasons. Reasons that helped some but…those reasons caused trouble for others as well. Everything he'd done in his life made peoples lives better or worse, that's all he knew…

Ed studied the barrel of the gun he created, at the intricate details and ridged outlines that decorated the 45. The handle was wooden with the decoration of an old western handgun. He wondered who first thought of the word "gun," this object should be called a death weapon, with all the tragedy it's caused. It's kind of strange how something so small can be so deadly. Edward could still smell the sulfur in the air, could still hear the gun fire and bombs going off everywhere. He could still see the images of dead bodies and blood everywhere.

He still remembered the sight of the bullet going through Roy's head as he pushed Ed out of the way…It was such an awful sight…The blood spewing out the back of his head, the way his limp body looked when it finally hit the ground as well as the sound his body had made. It was a sickening sound, a sound that was like no other, horrible, that's the only word he could think of …Horrible, the word suited the scene quite nicely, rather.

Tears flowed heavily from his eyes as he silently sobbed.

Sorry, I know this was short but the next one will be longer I promise! Anyway R&R!


	6. Ok, Men, Here's The Plan

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or any of its characters

_Carry on my wayward son, there'll be peace when you are done, lay your weary head to rest, don't you cry no more!_

"Ok, men, here's the plan, no one, and I mean _no one_ goes out there without someone to cover their asses. You got that?" Roy commanded at the group of soldiers crowded around him, taking in every in every word that was spoken as if their lives depended on it. Which there lives did depend on the orders that the raven was spouting, for they were in a war, and if you screwed up in any way then the enemy would have your ass on a platter. Roy looked over at Ed with seriousness painted on his features, wanting the blonde to listen to his words and retain each syllable even more than the rest of the soldiers. "Especially you, Fullmetal."

"What are you saying, colonel bastard, that I can't protected myself?" Ed raged, scowling at his secretive lover, not liking the fact that Roy had singled him out, putting him on the spot among all the other soldiers that existed around them.

"Well, knowing you, Fullmetal, you might get stepped on because the enemy might not be able to see you since you're so 'height challenged,' as you would put it." The colonel smirked; all seriousness leaving is beautifully sculpted features - when really he was just trying to hide his worry for his young love - as the crowd of soldiers snickered at their superior's comment on the youngest's height. In truth, he always worried over the golden-eyed angel, but today, today was different. Today Roy was trying in the best way possible to prepared Ed for what he was about to see without scarring him into never wanting anything to do with the government system again.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT NO ONE CAN SEE THEM OVER A GRAIN OF SAND?!" the blonde raged as everyone around him just kept laughing at how the blonde reacted to the colonel's statement, not realizing the dangerousness of the blonde's temper. The fits of laughter around him set Ed into another fit of rage. "YEAH, KEEP LAUGHING IF YOU WANT ME TO BREAK OFF YOUR LEGS AND STICK 'EM ON YOUR HEAD!" Everyone grew quiet after that, in fear that the great Fullmetal alchemist might just do what he proposed. Only one man in that whole crowd was brave enough to just keep on smirking at the hot-headed blonde. "What are you smirking at, colonel bastard?!" the blonde growled menacingly at his superior, glaring daggers at him.

"I'm sorry, what was that, Fullmetal? I couldn't quite hear you since you're so short and all."

"That's it!" The blonde charged toward the colonel as about all the men around them tried to hold back the fiery one. After some time, and some loudly spouted foul words, Ed finally calmed down enough to stop yelling, but not enough that he was still murmuring curses and profanities toward his raven-haired lover under his breath.

_Once I rose above the noise and confusion, just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion, I was soaring ever higher but I soar too high, though my eyes could see, I still was a blind man, though my mind could think, I still was a mad man, I hear the voices when I'm dreaming, I could hear them say!_

The colonel set all of the men into pairs of two, making sure that he and Edward paired up for the battles that were to soon engage. The colonel knew that even though Ed had a short temper and that he often threatened to do things to people, that Ed would still never kill anyone no matter how angry or scared he got, that he would never want to kill anyone. So Roy knew that he needed up with Ed right from the get go. If Ed hesitated to kill someone he'd end up dead himself and that was not going to happen, not on Roy's watch, he would protect Ed with his life if he had to. He wanted Ed to keep what little was left of his innocence, by not becoming a murderer like he did back in Ishbal. The way he killed all those people with a simple snap of his fingers, those memories still haunt him, the night he killed those two doctors that were only trying to do their jobs by saving as many lives as they could.

'And what was the reason for killing them?' he always used to ask himself. Was it for the promotion or just being a good dog of the military? No, it wasn't for the promotion or just being loyal to the state, it was because he was simply ordered to without question. He wasn't given a reason why he was just ordered to kill, and he did, hell, after he found out the real reason why, he tried to end his life. But Marcoh stopped him and made him realize that even if he did end his life that it still wouldn't matter because all the people killed wouldn't come back because of it.

_Carry on my wayward son, there'll be peace when you are done, lay your weary head to rest, don't you cry no more!_

He cried for months every night as he laid in bed and remembered all the sights of the people he killed, wishing that the had never joined the military. Even today he still sometimes regrets joining the military but it was too late now, he was too close to his goal to quit now. He wanted to be Fürher, to expel any evil and change this country for the good.

"Oi, colonel bastard." Roy looked beside him to see two determined golden eyes staring up at him. "Now's not the time to zone out like that," the blonde lectured, fiercely.

Roy examined his lover and found cuts, scratches all over his face, and some of his clothes were tattered and torn, along with blood spilling from some of his wounds. "I love you, Edward," Roy confessed lovingly.

Ed looked at him like he had suddenly sprouted another head, or like a mole had suddenly appeared out of no where. "I love you, too, Roy, but we're in a war right now, we need to be fighting, not being all lovey-dovey," he said almost cautiously.

"I know, but…I just want to let you know, in case we don't survive this that I love you from the bottom of my heart."

_Masquerading as a man with a reason, my charade is the event of the season, and if I claim to be a wise man, but it surely means that I don't know, on the stormy sea of moving emotion, tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean, I set a course for winds of fortune, but I hear the voices say!_

Ed had to think about what his lover was talking about for a moment, not knowing if the raven was delirious or something else. But everything seemed to click in his head before he stormed off without a word. Roy stared after him and wondered what he had said that made him storm off like the way he did. Roy followed after the blonde wanting to get to the bottom of what was going on in his mind, his subconscious. "Ed, where are you going?" Roy shouted after him.

"Away from you!" the blonde answered obliviously not pleased.

"What did I do?"

The blonde stopped in his tracks suddenly and so did Roy. He stared at the back of Edward's beautifully golden hair that he still kept in the braid. The blonde turned around and locked gold-liquid pools with black liquor ones. "What do you mean 'what did I do?' You think that I can't take care of myself, that I'm too young to know how to fight properly," Edward hissed. "Well, newsflash, bastard, I've stared death in the face, literally!" Ed bragged. "I had to go through the pain of getting all of my nerves attached to my auto-mail, I've seen people die right before my eyes, I've been through hell and back, and I've probably seen more disturbing things than you've ever seen in your entire life!" Ed growled. "So, I think that I can handle myself, without you watching my every move!"

Roy couldn't help but agree with his lover, he was right he'd seen more shit than anyone he knew. But he still felt he had to protect the blonde. "You're right, Ed, but…"

"'But' what? You just agreed that I can take care of myself, what else is there?!" Ed seethed wanting to know what the problem was of him having some independence.

_Carry on my wayward son, there'll be peace when you are done, lay your weary head to rest, don't you cry no more!_

"But, I still can't help but feel responsible for you and I can't help but feel protective over you. That's why you need to stick by my side so I don't go crazy over worrying about you." The blonde went to open his mouth to say something but Roy cut him off before he could say another word. "I know you think that I'm treating you like an irresponsible child, but I'm only doing it because I care about you." Roy took a few steps toward the blonde cautiously, hoping, against all hope that he wouldn't shrink away. And Ed didn't. He just kept staring determinedly up at the man. Roy reached out and laid a hand on Ed's human shoulder and comfortingly caressed it wanting Ed to realize how hard it was for him to actually be able to let him do the dangerous things that were about to occur. "I'd protect you with my life, Edward, and no one could ever change that, not anyone. Not the Fürher, not the homunculus, not the entire world. I love you and I need you to know that and cherish it in your heart." Roy smiled warmly down at his lover.

It felt as if Roy was realizing that his end was nearing or that everything between the two that they cherished and held dear to their hearts would be destroyed. The feeling was foreboding and over whelming to experience at a time like that. And nothing would prepare them for what would happen next.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw someone with a rifle hide behind a bush beside them. Roy pushed the blonde out of the way as the sniper cocked his riffle and sent the bullet flying from the barrel. Everything happened so fast that Ed didn't realize what had happened until he looked down at his feet and saw Roy's lifeless form laying on the ground with a bloodied hole through his head.

_Carry on! You will always remember… _

He stared at his lover's body in disbelief, trying to put all his jumbled thoughts together into one organized notion. He fell to his knees and studied the man's expressionless face more accurately. Ed looked up at the sniper and then at Roy, then the sniper again still dumbfounded and confused by the situation. He looked back at Roy and reached his human hand out to touch his face. Roy's face already felt so cold to the blonde and yet Ed still couldn't believe he was dead. This had to be some horrible dream or some sick twisted joke. "Hey, boss, what's…" Havoc came up behind the blonde, looked over his shoulder, and noticed his dead commanding officer. Havoc gasped, suddenly looked over at the bush, finding the sniper, and with his gun at the ready he started firing off shots at the hidden man. One tap to the head killed the sniper instantly.

_Carry on, nothing equals the splendor, now your life's no longer empty, surely heaven waits for you!_

Havoc turned back to the younger blonde and his commanding officer, not bothering to see if he actually got the enemy with his bullets. The older blonde crouched down beside the younger man and examined his superior's even paler face. The younger blonde finally realized the older's presence and turned to look up at him. "Havoc…why i-isn't…he m-moving?" the blonde asked, his voice faltering a little at first. Havoc didn't know how to tell him. Should he say flat out that he's dead or say that he's in a better place, where no harm could come to him any more? "He's dead, i-isn't he, Havoc?" The younger's voice started cracking with despair, knowing, deep down that he would never feel his lover's touch, or never hear his voice again.

"I'm sorry, Ed. I know you and Roy were close." The younger suddenly tackled him with a hug and started to cry into his shoulder. Havoc hated to see Ed like this and yet it kind of surprised him that the younger would just break down and ask for a shoulder to cry on.

"I-I…loved him, H-Havoc. He…p-proposed…t-to m-me," the blonde cried.

_Carry on my wayward son, there'll be peace when you are done, lay your weary head to rest, don't you cry no more!_

Havoc returned his embrace and rubbed small circles on the small of Ed's back. "I'm so sorry, Ed…" He was going to say that he wished he had come a little sooner but what good would that do to help the blonde in his time of need. Suddenly he felt like some how Roy was telling him to protect the blonde for him as if it were a direct order, and Havoc knew that he would follow that order. Havoc kissed the top of the blonde's head hoping that it would calm him down just a bit, but it didn't seem to because Ed just kept on crying in his arms.

Havoc felt bad for the younger blonde when he was little his mother died and about three years ago his little brother died, and now his lover. Ed had no one left that really cared about him. Sure, everyone that knew Ed cared about him and worried over him, but he had no family left, other than his dad but he didn't know where that bastard was. "I'm so sorry, Ed. I'm so sorry," Havoc whispered as he felt tears sting his eyes from the pain he could feel radiating off of the blonde. Tears ran down the older's cheeks out of sympathy and guilt. He looked over at Roy as blood still spilled from the wound in his head.

_Don't you cry no more! _

After sometime, Ed finally calmed down enough that he stood up and walked away, with instructions to go find Hawkeye for further orders, leaving Havoc to do what he needed to do with their superior's lifeless body.

_No more…_

Once again, just like I promised, this one was longer than the last, though it did take me a while to post this chapter, but still, at least I got this thing up RIGHT?! Anyway R&R and you'll make me happy!


	7. He'd Lost Everyone

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or any of its characters

The tears wouldn't stop flowing, he'd lost everyone dear to him and it was all his fault. He had no one, and all because of what? Some stupid, preconceived notion that he had as a child, a child who was small and innocent and ignorant of the wrongs, the taboos of the world? That he could fix his life with a complex array and a clap of his prepubescent hands? That his whole life would be easier if he had found a way to bring his mother back?

Ed positioned the pistol's barrel under his chin, already deciding his fate, the rest of his life, the rest of his afterlife. He was already damned to hell (if hell even existed); there was nothing stopping that fact. The homosexual relations, the human transmutations, the taboo of premarital sex, all his sins were leading him to the unrelenting eternity of the flames of hell. So, why not start his damning eternity now? His life was over, what was the point in living another day? If nothing was here for him but the misery of not being with the ones he loved, the ones he cherished with all his heart, with all his might, then why spend another waking day on this God-for-saken earth?

Nothing, no one on this earth was stopping him, telling him that what he was doing wasn't the answer to all his problems, all his troubles. No one even knew about what he was doing. No one even seemed to care. Everyone was wrapped up in their lives and couldn't take two minutes, not even a second, to tell him that his lover would've wanted him to live his life to the fullest, without worries and move on, that happiness can be found after a death of a loved one who has passed. Nothing in his mind was right, and nothing seemed like it would make it right, but that didn't matter to him anymore, all that mattered was the cold metal that was caressing his skin.

As he got ready to end everything, he could have sworn he saw Roy standing in the room with him, his eyes tearing up, as if he were telling Edward not to do this, before he pulled the trigger…

-

Ok, me being the dumbass that I am forgot to mention last chapter that I don't own that song. It was by Kansas and it was called _Carry On Wayward Son_. Anyway don't ask me where I came up with this story because I have no damned clue. I was bored during math class and I just started writing sentences, or maybe it was during study hall… Anyway, if any of you are confused by the significance of the proposal and Roy dying those two chapters happened on the same day, I just wanted to make that clear if it wasn't. Anyway R&R!


End file.
